Feeling blue when I miss you.

Time:12.42am
Wednesday 230305

I sit here in the living room of a family we have just known. For as long as we have known them, they have been a very nice, modest family of three. With a dominant father, a confident and determined patriarchal figure ruling this four-room HDB flat, we have came across a friendly and hearty mother with an innocent yet intelligent young daughter. They have been a joy amongst the lot. Their presence, we are grateful for.

Dear Sayang, as you scramble through the piles of work in the room not far away from where I am, my thoughts run wild with many thoughts about our relationship. I am indeed a man who thinks too much. It is fatal at times and I always scold myself for doing so. It’s frustrating why I am like that and I always would try to change it especially if the thoughts are deemed unnecessary. Nonetheless, I admit my stubbornness. I always live on “change need time” but even so, essential change needs immediate consideration.

Love is difficult to explain and I have been repressing much of my love thoughts these days so that you will not get irritated. I am furious with myself when you scold me for being too touchy. I am sorry yet I cannot help. Physical affection is essential yet I learn to control.

At this period of time, you are focusing a lot on the paper works of our business venture. I guess this is what that satisfy your hunger for mind stimulation. Your sector for me, I guess have been fulfilled for the time being. Remember in the early days of our relationship whilst walking home? The beakers of life? Hmm I hope you do. It’s really alright and I fully understand what you are doing.

This is a test for me. A test of my love for you. Sometimes, men ask too much from women. They yearn for affection and attention too and always at the wrong time huh? Hehe. It’s all about timing and playing with time isn’t easy. Patience becomes a priceless virtue. How beautiful life can be.

For now, I have missed my room. My room that has become OUR room. The room where I dedicate to the both of us as we spend almost every night together through thick, thin, sharp and fat. Hahaha. Do not worry, that is not an issue. You secretly know it is difficult for me and I bet you see that I’m sacrificing myself for you. I’m in for it. It’s really okay, baby.
I take my life one time at a step. I’m rushing on some things though because it has given me much joy. I shall practice patience always. I celebrate that thought.

For as long as time has been since I met you, you are the “woman” in my life that had alerted me again and brought love back to my senses. I almost gave up really after my last attempt. You know about it and I’ve put so mucb of myself into it. I have learnt many things about relationship and one is to take things slowly. Yet I make mistakes. How stupid.

Between you, my love, and me, it is difficult not to think about you as I miss you so much that it hurts. I wonder why…but just that I treasure you and your heart so much and I bet, will treasure it more as time drifts by. Not being able to see you will drown me in sorrows but it depends on the situation because I have to understand too.

Here you come again, running to the file on my feet to get more pieces of paper. You’re working hard. Working hard for good. You have ingeniously sly in getting the things that you want. The attention, the affection and the respect from anyone everywhere but only with good intentions. I know I can’t give you everything and anything yet only small words of love, care and concern. I can be a great company for you to see the world in a different light. I will be the shoulder for you to cry on and showcase your true and real emotions. I am the one whom you will care an extra bit more for and I am thankful.

Growing old together can be difficult and I’m not asking much from you my baby. I want to see you happy with me in a nice cosy home watching a romantic foreign movie. I want our mothers to be contented in their lives. I want us to do charity and be nice to everyone. In conclusion, I want to be your husband. Sayang, I love you.

Rest Well,
Ewan Tsuyoshi
Kisses goodnight.